robcoyne [dot] com

As I walked through the mall, waiting any way but patiently for my haircut I came across a rather disturbing sight. There, right in the center, nestled snugly in between JC Penny and Pac Sun sat a gigantic north pole mockup, complete with wreathes, Christmas trees, and a big green chair. The only thing that was missing was good old St. Nick. Of course that’s because even Santa Claus realizes that it’s too early for Christmas.

I swear, it seems like every year that goes by places start putting out their Christmas gigs a few days earlier. Pretty soon we’ll be celebrating the fourth of July with reindeer and mistletoe, and Valentine’s Day will just be an excuse to get jacked up on Egg Nog (moreso than it may already be, that is). You can’t escape it. Just yesterday, my roomate and I were enjoying a hearty noon-thirty breakfast at the International House of Awesomecakes when lo and behold on comes Christmas music crackling over the speakers. It was Veteran’s Day for crying out loud! Shouldn’t they have been playing Sinatra or something? I bet all those veterans appreciate the fact that their holiday has been glossed over for a fat man in a red jumpsuit. Thanksgiving hasn’t even swung aroung and I’m already seeing commercials set to Jingle Bells. This is madness! (Or is it Sparta? Either way, it’s still November people!)

In other news, I’ve realized that I’m a terrible physicist. Not because I’m necessarily bad at what I do (though to be fair, the Fluids homework is kicking my ass) but rather it’s because I started this blog as a conduit through which I could channel my inner science geek, and instead it’s turned into an upscale livejournal where I whine about nothing important and hatch crackpot ideas with minimal scientific backing at best. In the days to come, I’m going to seek to remedy that. Not by changing what I’m writing - please, I love arbitrarily expressing myself - but rather by adding in a couple of regular topics. Hopefully that will include commentary about new news in physics (written in the same lovable style as everything else), and a continuing section on how we can fix physics education.

But more on that later, for now I have evil to plot and papers to grade.

Blog News, Rant Blog News, Rant

My favorite part about living with Adam is watching television and being snarky about it. There’s nothing quite like making a sarcastic comment to finish the thought of some actor or public figure taking a breath, or responding to things that clearly request no response. I guess it’s a way to lash out against the stupidity of television, or at the very least, how cliche it so often is. The snarkiness isn’t limited to the standard television stuff though, even presidential debates are fair game.

Obama: …and veterans are asking how they can get on disability.

Me: They can’t. They shouldn’t have had their arm shot off.

It’s fucking fantastic! Not because I’m serious (quite the contrary, we need to support the people who’s sacrificed so much for the good of our country), but because it’s hilarious. A healthy degree of sarcasm, injected into the serious topics covered in a presidential debate, results in an enjoyable experience and it can be used to bring out some good criticism of what’s being said.

McCain: Blah blah blah, something about cutting ethanol something or other, blah blah blah.

Me: Don’t we add ethanol to gas to help try to reduce the cost of gas?

Adam: Well yeah, but what about those people who need their drinkie drinkie?

The whole thing that strikes me about the political debate process though, is the cyclic nature of it. In any given question, each candidate’s answer invariably ends up wrapping around to something completely unrelated. “Blah blah blah, war in Iraq, blah blah blah, dependency on foreign oil, blah blah blah, alternative energy, blah blah blah.” Yes, that’s all well and good senator, but the question was about Russia. “Oh right, well I guess in that case, it’s important that we continue to improve the education of our country.” The worst part about politicians - all politicians - is that they can’t say anything directly. Be blunt people! The truth will set you free, but it can’t do that when you don’t know what the fuck the truth is.

It’s not like that’s a big surprise. After all, it’s no secret that politicians always give you the runaround. Take the example of this question, posed in the debate (paraphrased for clarity)…

With the 700 billion dollar bailout on the table, how will this re-appropriation of government funds affect your plans as president.

At this point, both Obama and McCain talk about their visions for their presidency. Outline their spending plans, and pretty much give you the same rhetoric you’re used to hearing from both of them. After that, the moderator asks a follow up question…

So neither of your plans are going to be significantly impacted by this 700 billion dollar bailout?

Each one takes their turn reiterating their plans, skirting around the matter at hand which is quickly becoming clear. After all, the moderator is trying to get them to discuss how they’re going to continue with their plans, when the budget is going to be almost a trillion dollars smaller than it was at the beginning of the campaign. Of course, neither of them touch that factor. The poor moderator rephrases…

Perhaps I could rephrase the question to make this more clear… how will your plans function with less money to draw from?

Then, finally, they each answered the question. Kind of. In 30 second bursts that skirted around the issue. What the hell? Answer the question. This isn’t rocket science people. Rocket science involves all sorts of crazy physics and math. A debate requires two things: 1) the ability to think, 2) the ability to say what you’re thinking. It seems that most politicians lack the latter of the two.

Anyway, the moral of this story is be snarky. It helps keep your view of what’s going on realistic. In the end, you have to make sure that you keep a critical eye to the issues, and don’t get wrapped up in the language and bravado of the candidates. Once you cast off all the gunk by dismissing it in its entirety, you’re just left with the good, creamy filling.

By which I mean, I just lost the game.

Good night.

General, Rant Politics, Rant

[Preamble: went to the Red Sox game on September 10th, this entry was written on the way home on the subway back to my car.]

Here I am, on the green line after leaving. the game. early. I don’t do that. We were in the 14th inning, and the game was tied 1-1. There were two out, and we left. As we passed the Cask and Flagon, I saw there were runners on first and third. As we passed the hokey T-shirt vendors, we got the news we were down 4-1. Carlos Pena had hit a 3-run home run.

It happened because I left.

Now, I’m a rational person. I believe in logic, and I’m skeptical about any higher powers besides Murphy and the Law of Averages. With that in mind, I have to ask myself why it is I believe that somehow the fact that I left altered the outcome of the game? Call it chaos theory, I suppose. Here’s the scenario: when I left my seat I upset an empty coke bottle, which rolled down the stairs and tapped someone on the foot. They were startled and looked down and in doing so the program they were holding created a small wind current in the bleachers. That wind current caused the flags in center field to rustle, which generated another wind current. That wind current, warmed by the stadium lights, rose higher and higher, displacing the colder air as it went, sending it down towards the field. The screams of the fans in center field then pushed that wind current onto the field, moving towards home plate, where the unexpected pressure differential caused Mike Timlin’s pitch to travel a little differently, and rather than just missing it - and grounding out to second - Carlos Pena hit it dead on and deposited it into the stands.

There. Perfectly logical.

Admittedly, that scenario is about as likely as Karma smiting me for leaving the game, so really it’s six of one or a half dozen of the other. Either way, I know that the reason it happened was because I left. I say that because this sport - this team - is so important to me that I somehow have to justify my dedication to it. If my love for the Red Sox can somehow govern whether they succeed or fail, then I’ll pay the 150 dollar cab fare back to the T-station so I can stick out those last few innings and see my team win.

Everything is all about self edification.

The worst part is, there was an elderly couple in front of us celebrating their 45th wedding anniversary. They came up all the way from New Mexico. They’re walking back to their hotel disappointed because I left early. That sucks.

P.S. This won’t happen again.

P.P.S. Final score: 4-2 loss. Red Sox tried to mount a comeback but Bay struck out and Cora flied out with runners on first and third. Blah.

Rant, Self-Reflection baseball, Rant, red sox

My roommate and I were sharing a male bonding moment over a Sci-Fi Channel showing of Total Recall, and the following dialogue came up:

The TV: Good, now take the pill and put it in your mouth… swallow it!
Adam: It goes without saying, but “it’s a trap!”
Me: Your tastebuds can’t repel that magnitude of flavor!

Given a set of basis elements {you’ve seen Total Recall, you’re any kind of Star Wars fan, you’ve seen the Robot Chicken Star Wars episode}, the preceding dialogue will make sense if and only if your experiences (set in the plane of entertainment) have real-valued components in each of these bases. Add in the fact that just beforehand we managed to slip in a timely “why oh why didn’t I take the blue pill?” and you’ll get a feeling of just how epic this viewing of Total Recall was.

But guess what: that’s not why I’m writing (surprise!!). Instead, as I was wandering into the bathroom shortly after the above interchange, I had a thought: why is it that the visions of the future from the past are always so. god-damned. wrong. I know this isn’t an original thought, and I know it’s hard to predict the future, but is it so wrong to expect that society would improve the way it does simple things as time goes on? Example: automobile design. Why the fuck would you design non-aerodynamic cars in the future? Is there some kind of special anti-friction coating you put on everything so you can make it look like whatever you want? Seriously. Don’t be dumb. If you’re going to envision the future, picture a place where science continues to seek to improve the world around us by laying the groundwork for new, efficient technology that builds on concept’s we’re already aware of.

With that said, Total Recall is still a kick ass movie, and I have to say… to their credit, they got a few things right. *cackle*

Geek, Rant Geek, Rant, scifi